


Pressing Upon His Secrets

by Telaryn



Category: Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Character Study, Confessions, Emotional Baggage, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Loss, Loss of Innocence, Memories, Present Tense, Self-Insert, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-17 06:59:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15455847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telaryn/pseuds/Telaryn
Summary: When they agreed to take on a refugee from Arcentia, Han had never intended it to go anywhere.  His heart still belonged to Qi'ra, after all, and the Arcentians have the power to compel truth from a man.  Together it's a bad combination for any smuggler to consider.But the nights on board the Falcon can be very lonely, and sometimes when the memories crowd too close it's nice to be able to wake up in someone else's arms.





	Pressing Upon His Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Like most fic writers, I have my share of self-insert / Mary Sue stories. I come from a generation of fic writers though, where it's not considered acceptable to put them out there where other people can read them, so this is a bit of a stretch for me.
> 
> One of my favorite self-inserts of all time is what I've done to Star Wars canon, and the rescued princess that Han Solo met before Leia of Alderaan stole his heart. And after seeing Solo: A Star Wars Story, this moment between Han and Aprylle came to me so perfectly that I had to write it down.
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

She is caught off guard the first time the nightmares come, pulled from sleep by him calling out for people she’s never heard of, talking about places and things she’s never seen. “Han…” Unsure of what she should do, in the end she moves in as close as she can, stroking his hair and what bits of his skin she can reach, and urging him calm. Eventually he quiets, still half asleep as he reaches for her again, and the safety she represents.

One such night his desperate babbling dissolves into actual sobs of mingled grief and rage and loss. This time when he reaches for her, it’s to push aside the shirt of his she’s claimed for sleeping in. A knee urges her thighs apart as he kisses her; messy and desperate, hard enough to bruise. She moves with him as best she can, navigating the darkness, the cramped space of the bunk, and the tangle of sheets working to keep them apart, hold them back from each other and what’s about to happen.

He won’t be denied though, not tonight. His pain is too great and the salvation she offers too close. She yields without hesitation though; giving him everything she can. It is nothing she hasn’t already committed to, in the months she has backed him and Chewbacca. He gave her everything first after all, he and Chewbacca saving her from slavers that would have ended her life in far more horrible ways than simply killing her.

She is ready for him as he enters her, arching up into the thrust of his body with a soft moan. Even though he is still more asleep than awake, and this is an act borne of pain etched so deep she can only guess at its source, Han is a man who was schooled early to care for his partner’s pleasure above his own. Calloused fingertips trace patterns into her over-heated skin as he fucks her; his mouth covering hers as he kisses her breathless.

Other nights where they’ve traveled this road have ended as well as she supposes anything borne of so many negative things can – the two of them sweating and exhausted, wrapped so tightly around each other it’s hard to say where one body leaves off and the other takes over. This time though, there is a hitch in the rhythm they’ve found; the name he whispers in her ear as they reach a mutual climax not her own.

It doesn’t even register at first what’s happened; between one breath and the next her entire nervous system explodes in a wash of fiery gold, and she is sobbing her release into his kiss. Han holds her as steady as he can, with the effects of his own orgasm shivering endlessly across his sweat-soaked skin. And when they finally melt into each other, spent, one whispered, misspoken word is the last thing on her mind.

In fact, when the question finally leaves her, searching for an answer, it is late the next day as they measure things on board the Falcon, and Chewbacca who is sitting across from her, listening to her ask.  
Marked as she is by the organic diamond triangle in the center of her forehead, the Truth has always been her birthright and her burden. She has learned through hard trial and error that at times like this it is a thing to be handled with care and respect.

So she listens to what Chewbacca can tell her, weighs it against her own feelings, and sorts it into something that makes at least a modicum of sense. The decision to ask Han directly or consider the matter settled doesn’t come with the information Chewbacca gives her though; that takes another two days for her heart and brain to agree on. She has never been one to make waves; it’s not in her nature – but if raising this subject will bring Han some peace, how can she turn away?

“Tell me about Qi’ra.”

They are alone in his quarters, getting ready for another sleep cycle, when the words finally leave her lips. Half turned away from her, he freezes at the sound of his lost love’s name and she watches as a lifetime of emotions chase each other across his face. “Chewbacca tell you?” he asks, his gaze finally shifting to meet hers.

“You did,” she counters, schooling her own features as neutral as she can manage, under the circumstances. “Apparently it isn’t always me you’ve been fucking when we’re together.”

He straightens at that, and even in the dim light of the cabin she can see his cheeks go scarlet. “Aprylle…”

She raises her hand before he can get out more than her name. “Han, please.” 

He doesn’t continue with whatever argument he was getting ready to level at her, but he doesn’t immediately yield either. Her chest tightens as his gaze ticks briefly to the diamond in the center of her forehead – something he never would have done if he hadn’t at least been considering trying to lie to her.

It passes quickly though, and she imagines she can feel the tension draining from his body when he finally says, “We grew up together. Belonged to the same street gang on Corellia.” Moving cautiously to sit beside her on the bunk, he continues, “She was my whole world.”

She is young enough and inexperienced enough that hearing the words hurts, but it is not a pain she will ever share with anyone – even him. Instead she reaches out and covers his hands with her own, meeting his deep blue eyes without flinching. “Tell me.”

And so he does. It is a good story as such things are measured; love and loss and betrayal in equal measure. The parts of Han she knows he hates for others to see peeks out from the shadows more than once in the telling, and by the time he finishes they have both shed their fair share of tears. She holds him and he holds her, and in the end she knows they are both better for the sharing.

“Thank you,” he murmurs as they settle at last, burying his face in the thick fall of her dark hair to kiss the back of her neck. She settles for a non-committal noise in return, letting the gentle squeeze of her fingers against his flesh serve to reassure him in ways she has no words to right now. Young though she may be, and inexperienced, but she has the Truth of him now as he drifts off to sleep at her back – the truth even he hasn’t let himself consider yet.

His heart will never be hers. They will laugh and love and play with each other for a good long time to come, but she is bound to Qi’ra’s story in a way not of her choosing and beyond her ability to get free. Han will heal someday soon from his first great love, and he will be beholden to her for the part she played in that healing, but nothing further will come of it.

Nothing further can.


End file.
